Lesson:
Self edit sheet (can be found on assignments blog)
Dialogue quiz (if absent you need to make up before next class
Went over CIM rubric for travel story (can be found on assignments blog)
Review of vivid descriptions
How to show and not tell
You can add detail to your writing by using descriptive adjectives. (The Flamenco dancer
Example:
Before
Then we saw a flamenco dancer perform in the town square. She was very good and we were glad to have had this great cultural show.
After
Then she appeared; our eyes were riveted to her black flamenco dress and the circling of its train as she wove her way through the musicians and singers on stage, acknowledging each of them individually. The fringe of her red embroidered shawl mirrored her movements; her red lips and hair ornaments were bright against her dark braided hair. When she finally looked at us, it was with just a hint of defiance in her eyes. With our mouths agape, Ian and I squeezed each other’s arms
She began her dance slowly, taking over the stage with large full steps. The hollow sound of the clappers rang out in unison with the clicking of her shoes. Her agile arms and swaying body amplified her presence. As the beat of the music quickened, her arms dropped to pick up the bottom layers of her dress, revealing her amazingly nimble feet. Then she stopped, sauntered around to one side of the stage, hesitated, then began again to a furious rhythm. Faster and faster she danced, reaching a magnificent crescendo, when suddenly she brought down one foot and…… the music stopped. A brief moment of quiet, a gasp; the applause exploded. (The Heat, the Moon, the Dance by Holly Smith)
You can add detail by writing through your senses (what does it taste, smell, feel, look, sound like?) (Vegemite, Pop Rocks, Licorice)
You can add detail by using metaphors and similes. (Eating vegemite is like……. The pop rocks are….)
You can add detail by using vivid verbs. (The children stampeded out of the classroom after trying Vegemite.
Slow it down!! (Justine Vs the snake, The adventure of Mega Chicken, Deep Fried Potato Bug)
Choose descriptive moments carefully (see “Detail” reading)
Use emotional and physical description
If you were absent, pick up a copy of “Paula” in the back of the room. (“Paula”- Isabel Allende)
Then ask: How does she create this mood?
Using the Paula” reading, create a found poem
First, go through “Paula” and find evocative lines that paint physical and emotional landscape.
What is this story about?
How is it shown through description?
Now, cut these back to their essence.
Write down the most vivid words to create poem. Aim for at least 20 lines.
It does not have to rhyme.
Homework:
* 2nd Rough Draft due next class. If absent, complete the self-edit for the first rough draft. Then go back and add details, descriptions, vivid verbs, etc for your second rough draft. There should be noticeably changes.
* If absent, pick up a copy of Paula and create a found poem
Projects: Read your travel book (Only two weeks left!!!)
